(A Rather Formal Letter to an Old Friend)

(A Rather Formal Letter to an Old Friend)

Santiago, September 21st, 2018

Dear People from my Past,

You’re too many. It’s so hard for me to address you…I should start over. But who starts over in a letter?

Dear Dearest People from my Past, Those Who Have Considered Me Significant at Some Point, Those Who Have Loved Me, Those I’ve Loved, Those I Miss,

As time passes, it becomes more and more difficult (for me) to talk to you; and it’s been such a long time… I often feel like writing, but I hardly ever do. You know I’m not very communicative. That doesn’t mean I don’t remember you, though. I always do. But you know me... forgive me.

You, however, are very communicative. I find your daily Facebook posts so entertaining. I share them sometimes, and sometimes you share mine. I only wish (at times, wish) some of them were addressed at me. But I understand the cynicism in that demand. I can’t (and won’t) ask for that.  The times we share (even online) are fun. And I treasure them.

I am writing this to vindicate our friendship in the distance. I want to tell you I cherish our memories, I value all the moments we spent together, the good and the bad times, the jokes, the tears, the dreams, the struggles. I also want to tell you, there’s new people in my life now; and (not to praise you) none as significant as you were for me.  I guess I just need to give them some time. My friendship is slowly achieved.

You are now my old friend. Lots of things have happened since the last time we saw each other. To you and me. And it’s ok if we don’t share them anymore. I do feel a little bad, however, about the thing I need to tell you right now. I hope there’s enough distance between us as for it not to matter much.

I started writing this letter with the intention of letting you know that I’ve changed; perhaps assuming I am more apprehensive than you. One of the disadvantages of distance is that we start assuming things; thinking more about what you might think of this and that. As I wonder what you might do in every new experience I have, I also wonder what you’d think of what’s become of me. And I have the strong feeling you wouldn’t approve.

I HAVE indeed changed. Inside and outside. And I know you, I know you wouldn’t help having to reprimand me for my changes. So, this letter is to let you know that I won’t tolerate that. I’m not particularly healthier, or prettier, or whealth-y-er (not that money mattered much in our relationship). I’m not reading more, or writing more. I don’t listen to the same music I used to listen to. I am not singing as much as I used to. I’m not doing many of those things anymore. I am now doing other things. Working more, resting more, panicking more…

But these things are MINE to struggle with. Please, do not lose your sleep over my lost waistline or hobbies. Please refrain from foreseeing the dark future ahead of me continuing my doomed habits. And I promise I WILL overlook your own newly acquired flaws. I want you to fight the urge to compare my current self to my previous self with all your strengths. If our friendship was ever honest, you will do as I request; my dear friend from the past. Forgive me for losing hope, I was never very optimistic to begin with… forgive me for letting go of our shared interests. For not liking the things we used to like anymore. Forgive me for not engaging in the same sort of conversations anymore…

I have changed, my dear friend, but my feelings for you don’t have to change. Maybe one day we’ll get in touch again to prove that. In the meantime, keep posting funny things online (I will read them), keep sharing pics of the wonderful places you visit (I will share your joy too), keep reacting to my own funny posts, and why not, dare to write me an IM (I WILL reply).

My Dearest Friend from my PAST, I have not forgotten about you. I am only saying that sometimes it is healthier to forget a little.

With love,

Your Own Friend From the Past.  

 © 2018 Grecia Albornoz